I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
