I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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