FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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