If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Will exercising make me less horny?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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