I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
