I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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