how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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