I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
