no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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