Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
