No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm at about main and main street
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
