i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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