how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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