my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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