i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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