I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
