she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
