How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
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I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize