You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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