We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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