So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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