just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
