I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
