I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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