So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no, he came in my armpit
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do herpes really smell.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
