My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
