I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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