I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
