Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
