It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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