Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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