You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
