Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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