At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish I only lived at night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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