there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
