He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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