I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
