She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm getting married
To pizza
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
