Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
