remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
