she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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