you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
