apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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