I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
