dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
