i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
