...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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