i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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