I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
