Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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