I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
