I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
