Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
