I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
