Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
dude. I can hear the air.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
