Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
