There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
