Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
