omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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