So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
