I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His nipple licking is glorious
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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