My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
