This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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