he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm at about main and main street
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
