I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
