I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
